Random Thoughts for Today

Well, I just read on the message board that one of the mommies that had her baby December 10 (ironically, his name is Vincent, which would have been Lyric's name had she been a boy) could possibly bring her baby home on Christmas day. Bam, right back to square one for me. I am insanely jealous (while over the moon for Vincent's mommy). I read that and immediately started sobbing. I wanted so many things with Lyric, and bringing her home with us was something that from day one in the NICU I started counting down to (I was 102 days from her due date when she was born).

People ask me if I have a hard time seeing pictures of my friends' babies on Facebook and stuff like that. I don't. I love seeing them. I love going on the message board and seeing pictures of the preemies and hearing about how they are doing. Its weird, I didn't think I would be able to handle it, but I can, and it makes my heart melt to see happy, healthy babies, even more than it did before I had Lyric.

For the past few days I have also been very sad about the things I missed out on from the rest of my pregnancy. I never really went shopping for baby stuff, never made a registry, never had a baby shower. I never got to waddle around with a big belly to show off to the world. I didn't even make it to my glucose test (which I am ok with, ha ha). I feel like Jason and I missed out on a big chunk of being pregnant, and for some reason, that makes me very sad. For the most part, being pregnant for me was pretty easy until I found out I had no fluid.

Slowly, our lives are getting back to normal. I went into work today to make the schedules for January. Big things happening in January at work, and it will actually be perfect timing for me to be back to start a new big project. It was weird to be there, to say the least. I didn't go and visit very many people while I was there, I was really too nervous. I just didn't want to answer questions today. I don't know if I ever will be completely ready to immerse myself into my work environment, to be honest.

Baby Girl, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I look at pictures of you every day. I miss you more than anyone can possibly know, but the only thing that brings me peace is that I know you are not hurting and I will see you again one day...