Happy One Month Baby Girl

Happy One Month, Baby Girl
Tomorrow marks what would be Lyric's one month birthday. It seems like just yesterday, but at the same time, like a far away dream. I feel like November got completely skipped as both daylight savings and winter happened while we were in the hospital. The whole experience was such a whirlwind that I didn't even get a chance to get used to the idea of having a baby before I was holding her for the first and last time and saying goodbye.
I knew tomorrow would come, and I don't want it to. I want to go back and fix it. I want to still be pregnant with her. I still want to be oblivious to the fact that she is a girl. I want to be stuck in bed. I want to be anxious for her far off arrival. Yet here I am, crying my heart out, again, because I can't change anything.
I finished washing the rest of my maternity clothes so I can put them away today. Many of the pieces still have the tags on them. We will meet again someday. But until then, they will sit in the basement with the baby bedding and room accessories that I was to scared to even open and look at when I got them back in September (they were delivered on the day we found out I has no amniotic fluid). I will see the bedding and things one day too.
I don't feel like I am getting back to normal. Every time I think I might be getting better I see something, talk to someone, hear a song, and I am right back to November 13 all over again. I know everyone is saying that time will make it better, but I need a fast forward button some days. Most days right now.
I do want everyone to know that everyone's cards, flowers, gifts and balloons that were brought to the hospital are being saved in a chest. The chest will sit in our future baby's room so Lyric can watch over him or her. She will be a part of our hearts forever and having things of hers that we can touch is one of the greatest gifts that we have received and it helps me know that she was loved not only my Jason and I, but by our friends and family too.