Just One of Those Days

Yep, today was a sad day. No good reason, all I did was watch Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy. Worst. Idea. Ever. From the tiny baby in the NICU to the part where the daughter had to choose to take her dad off life support, the whole episode was rough. Not to mention, the last time we watched it was when we had just come home from the hospital.

Hardest thing I have ever done is give the okay for doctors to discontinue life support. Even though there was nothing that could be done (and we know this is even more true now that we know what actually happened that night), how to you choose to let your daughter go? I thought I chose to have a baby forever, not for 6 days.

And the other thing... going back to work after being gone for 3+ months. It would have been ok had I gone back to what I have always known, but circumstances at work are changing, and that puts me in a very tough spot (I can't divulge very many details because everything is very confidential at the moment). Of course, I didn't know any of it until my fist day back... welcome back?? I thought I was done with difficulty in my life for a little bit. Nope, I was wrong. How much more can I take at this point? I don't feel like its very much more.

I didn't think it was possible, but I find myself missing my baby girl more and more some days. There are so many mommy things that I feel like I am missing out on because she isn't here. She would have been 2 months old yesterday.