Moving Backward?

Is it possible to be moving backward? I feel like I am worse than I was a month ago. No matter what I am doing, she is always on my mind. I start crying like it happened yesterday. I keep thinking of things that she is going to miss out on as well as mommy things I am missing out on. I keep thinking about days that are coming that I know are not going to be easy. Her due date (February 16) is right around the corner. Mothers Day sounds horrible. What am I going to do?? I also want so badly to open the box of bedding that Jason's mom bought us for Lyric that was delivered the day we found out I had no amniotic fluid. Why do I want to put myself through that? I never opened any of it. To be honest, I don't even know what all is even in there. I will be using it for our future baby one day, but I don't want to wait longer for that day to come :(